Talking about his experience he says “I did feel a bit out of place when I was ignorant of the facts about homosexuality. I can never forget the overwhelming feeling of self pity and hatred I had. I mean we all grow up thinking we are straight, and when things don’t really fall in the desired place, its natural for someone to feel out out of place, essentially because of the dearth (in those times, about 4 years ago, complete absence) of support groups or a positive social discussion platform.” It is very difficult to break the news to parents,the one closest to you, he says.
“It was my 20th birthday and I thought it was about time that I told my parents about something as important as this. I thought my parents deserved to know who their son is for real. One of the primary reasons of coming out to them was to, thwart any plans of my quintessential Indian wedding. Look, I thought it was the worst thing I could do to my parents, in addition to all the dissensions they tolerate because of my heterodoxy. ( I think that’s the only thing which is ‘hetero’ in me.)
He further adds, “I asked my dad if he could see me being tortured and then told him the truth that I am not particularly interested in girls. For me a man’s mind and a man’s body is far more beautiful than a girl, I think I am gay”
He says that though his parents have come round the fact a lot after that. But they still don’t really discuss this. And sometimes he feels emotionally bereft in his own house. But now I am free and don’t feel ashamed of my sexual orientation. The pain caused due to ignorance became the source for my liberation.
As far his future plans and getting settled goes he explains, “I definitely want a partner for myself. I think that was one of the main reasons why I told my parents about myself, as I wanted him to be respected the way my girlfriend or wife would have been if I were straight. My parents really can’t get the fact that I wanted to live with a man. It was really difficult for them to get their hand round gay love without divorcing it from the sexual act. The fact that, one can’t really do anything about one’s sexual orientation, has made them to sit and talk about it, but social constraints over my happiness is still to loose the battle. I think my father kind of had an inkling about the whole homosexual inclination of mine. My close friends and cousins know about me and its like an open secret in my close circle”.
Deepak Kashyap, has graduated from University of Pune in English with Psychology.
I want to help break the stereotypical gay image which have been insidiously perpetuated by Bollywood and other such sources. I think this complete disregard of veracity has to go.
Professional Aims: I plan to become a practising Psychological Counsellor and start a Finishing school. I am going to England next year, so that I don’t have to sacrifice my dreams to the crude reality of Indian bigotry. It’s a shame, as I love my country very much.
Parents’ take: Though initially it was difficult to understand what exactly our son wanted to tell us as it was difficult for any parent to come to terms with homosexuality that too with somebody so close to us. I think it was very mature of him to confront us on this. When we heard his side of the story, we as parents can only support our children. As it is not a disease or abnormality there is hardly anything that we would want to change in him. In Indian society it is still difficult to accept homosexuality easily. But as long as our children are happy we have no right to force the societal norms on them and suffocate them with what is perceived as the right thing. We have accepted him the way he is, its just that we know that not everyone would be able to understand this, so our very close family and friends know about him.