LOVE AND SEX: Sharing stories about Indian couples and their relationships. I woke up with a bitter taste in my mouth and a head that wouldn’t stop spinning. My phone was dead and there was that old sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach. Something wasn’t right. As I made my way to the kitchen and set my phone up to charge, the events of last night started to slowly float up to my mind like bile rising up to the throat.
I had spun the biggest cliché in the book. I had, in the stupid bravery that comes from an extra peg of alcohol, confessed my love for my best friend of ten years and hadn’t even seen it coming.
K and I have been best friends since our junior college days and God knows we worked hard at it. We’d fight like children and not talk to each other for days but we’d sit on the same bench. He got me my first black dress for a college function and I taught him his tie technique. We even posed for our college year book together. Together, we could take on every single thing the world threw at us, and look what I did. I took the most perfect friendship I have ever felt and smeared it with this elusive thing they call love.
We have both seen each other through a string of failed relationships until one day he excitedly came to see me at work and tell me about this girl he was falling for. Over cups of hot tea and Parle-G, I had painstakingly drawn out a complete plan for him to woo her. Within a month, they were dating and soon, they were two years old and very serious about each other. On the other hand, I was dating men, none of them lasting for more than a couple of months. Every time, I’d come back to him and we’d make cruel jokes at their expense, laughing away whatever trace of pain they may have left in my heart. Boy problem, boss problem, mum problem, or just a bad day, he was my only goddamned happy place.
Maybe other people never worked because I was content in my world with K. I didn’t need anyone at all. I just never thought it’d snowball into feelings because I didn’t believe in it. I could never give myself that much credit. I didn’t think I could love someone, put someone else before me. I didn’t think I was cut that way. Come look at me now, kids. I look like the girl who got owned by everything she slammed down as stuff ‘that happens only in movies.’
Today, as I sit in the kitchen, trying to figure how I am going to deal with this, the phone beeps.
There he is, my best friend K, writing to tell me that everything is fine and nothing will come between our friendship. That I must get dressed and go to work so he can come get me and we could go get pizzas.
I have something for him too.
It took me so many years to realise that my whole life revolves around us. You know my hangover screams for pizza. You wipe the sweat off my forehead like it was your own and you take me to the most insane places inside your heart. Of course, we will get back to doing all the things we do. We’ll still make random plans and set off into the sunset on your bike.
But I will never be able to hear you say her name again without a tiny stab at my heart. I will start a war with the skies about how unfair this entire situation is. You know me, I will become so miserable and you will beat yourself up for it. And I won’t let a slip of my heart affect you because that’s what friends do. They don’t pull their best friend into their storms.
P.S: Did you really think we’d get through life without any casualty?
And just like that, I lost my friendship to love.
The global lockdown has everyone’s mental health in a spin! Have you checked out our Mental Health resources by Indian Spice click here
The South African Depression And Anxiety Group (SADAG) is Africa’s largest mental health support and advocacy group open 7 days a week from 8am – 8pm. If you are needing a referral to a psychologist, psychiatrist or support group call SADAG on 011 234 4837 or 0800 20 50 26 and speak to a trained counselor who can assist you further. Substance abuse hotline: 0800 12 13 14 is available 24hrs or alternatively email Zane on email@example.com
If you need support or know someone who does, please reach out to your nearest mental health specialist. India Helplines: Aasra: 022 2754 6669; Sneha India Foundation: +914424640050 and Sanjivini: 011-24311918
Stay at home if you feel unwell. If you have a fever, cough and difficulty breathing, seek medical attention and call in advance. Follow the directions of your local health authority during the coronavirus crisis.
Connect with the Coronavirus Whatsapp services below
- Coronavirus India Whatsapp tap here
- Coronavirus South Africa Whatsapp tap here
- SA Hotline Number: 0800 029 999
For more related coronavirus (COVID-19) latest news and stories click here