#SEXTALK: You’re not drilling for oil, son

Admit it: like millions of men in the world, your first introduction to sex was through porn. And by the time you actually convinced someone to sleep with you, the damage was done. Porn has its obvious benefits and is an unavoidable rite of passage, it still hasn’t cracked the conundrum that is Sex Education. Erections don’t appear on request, your average man isn’t hung like an elephant, STIs and STDs are a real thing, and foreplay doesn’t consist merely of jamming your finger(s) up her vagina.

We’re calling out the absurd myths and unrealistic ideas that mainstream porn teaches you about sex. It’s time to set the record straight.


She will always blow you

News flash: You are not entitled to a blowjob. In fact, some women hate it. And chances are, if she doesn’t dig it, the blame might be yours. But if she happens to oblige, you better reciprocate, son. If she doesn’t, move on. Be happy in knowing you at least got a ‘Over the Pants Hand Job’.

You will last more than 15 minutes

In porn, the actors seem to be able to plow through the act for an entire half hour without collapsing. Don’t forget that it’s a film set, with multiple retakes and an editor piecing it all together. But what’s actually normal? Good/adequate sex last three to seven minutes, according to science.

Your partner is constantly up for sex, all the time

Unlike in mainstream porn, real people have things to do, besides each other. And fluctuating libidos.

You don’t need condoms

You do. End of story.

Great sex comes naturally

Learning about sex from porn is like learning to shoot firearms from Walking Dead. No one, not even porn stars, come into the world winning the sex lottery. Great intercourse takes practice, and patience.

Anal is easy

Yeah, butt stuff is in, we know. Once reserved for birthday sex,  it’s barely taboo now. But when is it okay to butt in? There are a couple of golden rules: first, she consents to it. Second, you have to get very good at foreplay — invest time and energy in it. Third, use lubricant even if porn tells you it’s okay to just jam your junk in. Stop if it hurts — always.

Big dicks are the best

Admit it: You’ve measured your penis more than once. To compare your dong to well-hung porn stars like James Dean and John Homes is stupid, because ‘normal’ isn’t necessarily what you thought.Science settled the score on penile proportion in a recent study, and the perfect penis is smaller than you were made to believe.

Women are hairless

Glaring anatomical mistakes aside, if you’ve never seen a naked woman outside of porn, we can’t blame you if you sort of failed to realise women have pubic muffs too. And while we’re at it, they don’t all have bolted-on breasts that defy gravity. Natural breasts come in all shapes and sizes, and you should be so lucky as to get acquainted with more than a few.

More difficult the position, better the sex

Sex positions and acts in mainstream porn are chosen for how they look on camera, not how they feel to the participants. In case you’re looking for carnal twists to your sex routine, incorporate these positions for some serious bedroom cred instead.

About Indianspice Staff Reporter

Report and write stories for It is our ambitious goal to cover issues/events/news concerning South Africa and the diaspora.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.