yudhika sujanani
Image Source: Yudhika's Facebook

SheMatters: Dear Absent Father

Dear absent father.

I’ve realized my posts are uncomfortable for some and liberating for others. The absent father has been on my mind for the longest while. Maybe it’s because I’m a single mom watching my kids grow without their dad, my kids grow watching other kids with present dads or just feeling that everyone has to work so much harder to fill the emotional and financial gaps.

I was on a show Cliffcentral with ‘The Laws of Life‘ with Garry Hertzberg and said, ‘when things go wrong nobody can help, not even the law. Don’t kid yourself’. The law is for lawyers to scavenge your previous savings but nothing more. I’m not fooled by big talks about the law and your rights.

yudhika sujanani
Image Source: Yudhika’s Facebook

Back to dads and kids

We often hear about dads not paying for the kids but the greatest harm comes from being absent. Kids are vulnerable and it’s the people closest to us who take advantage of the situation. The world will treat your kids the way you’ve treated them – don’t you get it?

The mother just wants money – the words are tossed around casually. Women raise kids on their own after being forced to into becoming workaholics saddled with debt, responsibility for 2, discipline for 2.

You move on, the new wife or girlfriend makes the rules, objects to the maintenance and you go on to make new babies together?

If you don’t have the money and fake financial distress, what about your time?

Why do you make the mother of your child beg? Why make your children beg destroying their confidence?

Kids are growing up without any confidence in men, relationships, kindness and responsibility. They don’t believe in love. We taught them love is just a passing thing and when it’s over, so is your duty. A mother will probably make enough to get the kids through. You’re have a new life with your head in the sand, being bullied by some biatch who convinces you that making your ex suffer is the right thing to do! Are you kidding me? The kids suffer!

We live in a world where the tables have turned, women have been walking through flames while men play desperate housewives being petty and ridiculous. Grow a pair and step up to it. No women have ever made babies on their own. No child deserves this. Your new life is being funded by hatred and attempts to get even or punish your ex by depriving her of what you owe your kids. You new life is built on the tears your kids cry when they’re insulted and become prey to the perverts who know you’re not around.

My advice
Spend time with your kids, pay the maintenance, be present, be a father, be fierce, be a protector because that’s what both of you signed up for! And to the men and women out there, I know they’re not your kids.

Our attitudes must change, they’re our kids, it takes a whole lot of people to raise just one. Let’s treat kids the way we want ours to be treated.

This post first appeared on Yudhika Sujanani’s Facebook profile visit here

About Indianspice Staff Reporter

Report and write stories for Indianspice.co.za. It is our ambitious goal to cover issues/events/news concerning South Africa and the diaspora.

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