I die a little everyday. So do you. Every one of us is and at every stage in my life people have lied to me saying you’re so young and I have so many years ahead of me.
When I was a kid I was told I was so young, the same as a teenager, wife, young mother and even in my forties…I hear the same thing.
Being young has nothing to do with anything because it’s with sadness I face a reality that each day is so precious and it makes my heart ache. The most painful is knowing I won’t be here one day and I don’t know when that day is so I can’t afford to miss a beat with the kids I so love.
I have learnt so many things and experienced unbearable pain but what I mourn the most is the years I squandered on people and things that won’t ever mean anything. I’m a woman and my heart led me down emotionally treacherous paths. I realize there’s no point looking for love or expecting it. I will just have to love myself enough. I set out to prove my worth while feeling so unworthy in my soul.
How crazy is that?
I achieved so much and more than I could imagine and one day when real heartache came to my door, I was on my knees asking God to take everything I worked for so I could save someone I loved. I wish you got everything you dream of materially because as soon as you get there, you’d realize it’s not what makes you happy. It’s such an anti climax. Through my days as a young mom and businesswoman, I pinned my happiness to milestones promising I’d be happy when I got there. I arrived and there was no happiness.
All this talk about how young I was blocked me from seeing each day as a gift. There are no ‘ I’ll do it later’, ‘next week’, ‘next year’. We gamble away the days we don’t even own. None of us are really young. It’s just the ego making us believe we have time. Maybe we do, maybe we don’t?
I won’t tell anyone how young he or she are and make him or her believe they have days to waste. These days I tell people how precious every day is, how time flies and to treasure each day.
Spend the days wisely as time is something we can never get back. Make every bloody moment count.