Is your relationship with your partner suffering?

Angry Indian couple having an argument in their living room

December can either have a positive (or negative) impact on relationships but what can you do if the holiday season hasn’t gone so well on that front?

Relationships are a constant challenge. No matter who you are, or who your partner is, for relationships to work, both parties need to put in some good effort to keep them going, and to keep both partners engaged, interested, and happy.

The financial pressures of Christmas, the family stress that it can bring, and the end-of-year holiday that requires communication and coordination to be successful (which doesn’t always happen) can be the final straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Couples end up in counseling or, worse, in the divorce lawyers’ office. Statistics have shown that January is the busiest month for divorce lawyers for exactly this reason.

Relationship expert, Paula Quinsee says that both parties are equally accountable and responsible for keeping their relationship healthy; but looking at South African divorce rates, this doesn’t always happen. People get caught up in their own ‘busy-ness’, work stresses, family pressure and sometimes-inappropriate coping mechanisms take their toll, and partners become disconnected and drift apart. Most couples seek help when there is almost too much damage done, which makes it harder to come back from the point of no return but it doesn’t have to be the end.

January is a time of new beginnings, and the chance to evaluate goals and set New Year’s resolutions. And the opportunity to reflect on the state of one’s life and discuss the recent past and set goals for the immediate future with a significant other is always valuable.

Just as you would take your car in for its annual service, we should look to do the same with our relationships.

Couple Goals, as the name suggests, are goals couples come up with and agree upon together, which they spend the year working toward. It’s a useful way to communicate and clarify what each partner wants from the relationship, and a great way to ensure you’re on the same team and it creates some helpful focus for the year. Paula says, “If you are still going strong after December, and you are both still open to exploring new ideas together, it can be a really good foundation for your relationship.”

Of course, it’s also possible for couples to become somewhat stuck at the beginning of the year, with their relationship almost on the brink of collapse and no clear ideas on how to proceed – other than the big D, of course.

“In that case, it’s best to seek outside help. But it doesn’t have to come in the form of counselling – it can be something like a personal growth programme or workshop that can help bring what’s important into focus, as well as hone interpersonal skills that will come in handy both at home and in the workplace,” says Paula.

She runs two workshops, twice a year, focused on helping men and women develop themselves to their full potential, and in so doing improve their relationships with themselves, their partners, and their colleagues.

The Womenology Masterclass and The Mancave Mastermind Programme aim to provide tailored insight and tools and shared learning.

Topics include personal and work relationships, effective communication, overcoming setbacks, conflict and stress management, work/life balance, and many other useful, impactful subjects that give people the tools needed to live their best lives and ultimately empower them to be a better person, partner and leader.

The workshops start on the 18th of January and run for six months. You will meet every two weeks in the evening, between 18:30 and 20:00, and there is fantastic group support throughout. All you need is the commitment to attend, a willingness to listen, learn and engage, and the workshop fee. This includes the workshop content, plus a free copy of Paula’s book, Embracing Conflict, a free brain profile assessment, two one-hour coaching sessions one-on-one with Paula, support via a WhatsApp group for the duration of the programme and lifetime access to Paula’s content.

If you want to take your relationships to new levels in this New Year, book your spot by clicking here. You can also visit Paula’s website at or contact her on 083 307 0918 for more information.

About Paula Quinsee

Paula Quinsee is a relationship expert, TEDx speaker and author of Embracing Conflict. Paula is also a consultant on the TV show ‘Married at First Sight SA’. She works with individuals and organisations to cultivate healthy relationships in both their personal and professional arenas by focusing on emotional skills and personal growth and development.

Her book, Embracing Conflict is endorsed by the likes of international EQ author Harvey Deutschendorf. As a relationship expert, Paula teaches individuals and companies tools and skills to immediately and positively enhance the quality of their personal and organisational relationships. She conducts regular monthly workshops and has spoken at various events and institutions such as TEDx and the SA Innovation Summit.

As a speaker in the professional world, she covers topics such as leadership, mentorship, corporate culture, conflict management, relationships in the workplace, teamwork etc. She also speaks on more personal topics such as personal or romantic relationships, family, parenting, values, goals and more.

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