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Sexolve: I Get Turned On When Men Look At My Wife With Lust

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Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 37-year-old person happily married for over 12 years. Throughout these 12 years, we have had a good sexual relationship. But very recently, I have started to face a serious issue of my mind having inner and outer conflicts.

My wife wore a sleeveless top once and due to my possessiveness I resisted it. But later I permitted the same. But at a marriage function, along with her cousins she wore a transparent sari, it was backless, sleeveless, and exposed her stomach and cleavage. Even though I showed my anger outside to her, but in the bed that day, she teased me. She teased me with how others were looking at her. How many men stared at her. It was true, that many men looked at her with lust. But that night her teasing made my mood and we had a wild kind of sex. It was a sudden shift in my mind. Now the feeling of exposing her makes my inner mind happy.

I think it’s a conflict between my inner mind and the outer mind. I have discussed the same with my wife but was not able to get a solution. One of my close friends to whom I discussed this matter told me to be more spiritual to get rid of this mindset as he said, it’s my mind beginning to become a cuckold.

I just want to know, why I am expressing something outside and enjoying inside. Please also guide me further on what I should do.

Worried Husband

Dear Worried Husband,

Thank you for writing in about your conflicts. Jealousy and possessiveness are not positive feelings and everyone shies to admit they feel the same. Glad that you express them so eloquently.

We look for some amount of attractiveness in our partners. We want them to be full of love, grace, charm and compassion.

We need to accept though — that what we love and admire, could be admired by others too.

Put your hand in your heart and tell me – haven’t you ever admired a woman other than your wife? Why do you expect that other men would not be doing the same? And how is it wrong – as long as it remains in the mind and in the confines of decency – and is not translated in action as letching or any other inappropriate behavior.

It is also true that sometimes jealousy and possessiveness make us express more sexually to please our partners in order to win their love and attention. Again, let this be done with kindness and not hate. Let’s eventually get to a stage where we love people for who they are, and the value they bring to our lives including our sexual lives. Jealousy needs to be replaced by acceptance.

I don’t know much about inner minds and outer minds. I can definitely tell you that we need that you should not mind, because you can’t actually control when your partner appears in someone else’s mind.

Give yourself some time off. Go out on a vacation. Let both, your inner and outer mind, breathe. Over time, you would have to work on thoughts and get them to move from jealousy to appreciation. Id love my partner’s looks to be appreciated by others. That’s not a cuckold thing. That’s a love thing.

Your wife should wear what she wants to. You should wear what you want to. And if she finds more admirers or you do, you may want to discuss with each other and find ways of accepting each other better as you grow prettier and kinder by the day. I am happy that you both are discussing. I wish you do that more.

Love

RainbowMan

P.S. Love grows with sharing.

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Do you have a question to something relating to your relationship, love or intimacy issues? Send us your questions for advice from professionals. click here